| | I am home. Home, within the four walls of silence which embrace me at the moment. Here I sit, and with critical eyes I read your letters. Accusatory as they are, I stagger on with dilating devotion. All the while, my critical eye blinks. And like a bird that's suddenly shot down in mid flight, I come crashing down before your groundless accusations. I am not one to mingle in the trivial pursuit of my image to others. I cannot help what others think of me and frankly, I don't care. But yours words are slightly different. Laced with a small dose of fire, they enter me, searing me. Though I must admit that the feeling is fleeting, it still produces a slight burning sensation. But then, those words have always been there haven't they? The fact that I did not live up to some expectation perhaps? Nothings changed. You still attempt to point the same critical finger at me, only now with accusatory and hostile undertones. That's fine, like I said, I wont stop neither you, or anyone else from doing so. Because in the end, I know who I am, and I know what goes on in this head. So as much as you think you know me, you think you can speak for me, you will never get it right.
Perhaps my silence comes off as hostile. And I admit that the first stage of it was leaning in that direction. That time, however, has long ended. At the present, there is only me, and my thoughts. I am for the moment out of range from humanity (or I'd like to be). And I don't mean this in some negative way.. I just simply desire for myself those things which I have long neglected. Having said all this however, I do feel an urge to extend some sort of invitation to you old friend. The next time you suspect something ill of me, why not ask me? Why choose the road of speculation? Are you not the lover of clarity? Just keep in mind that we are no longer under any obligations to one another. Neither you, or I. So live on, live as you must. Do not trouble yourself with me. Consider me not one single bit in any of your activities/decisions. That hour has long expired.
And with this, I enter into a new one. |
| | Posted 5/21/2008 8:55 PM - 7 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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